Ma'ams of Ser World Part 3: Conversations with 'C' and 'D'
January 13th, 2023

The female online experience is a complicated one. That’s not to say the male and trans experiences aren’t complicated, but I think people should speak from their own backgrounds, and I am a woman, so that is what influences my perspective.

From my point of view, the women of web3 (and this goes for any industry where you see gender disparity) need to be a little less critical of each other. Some support and compassion from women who have chosen to dox themselves will be the only way more outwardly femme profiles enter the space. Otherwise, we could see a dystopia where all women choose anonymity in order to be heard and sidestep abuse.

I have a ton of respect for the women quoted in this article. I am humbled that they shared their stories with me. I am grateful they have allowed me to write this work, highlighting issues and opinions that are of interest to me and affect many women.

These words have been published with their consent. They are referred to as ‘C’ and ‘D’ to protect their anonymity and all of our peace of mind.


C: OMG! GIRLLLL, I’ve got GOSSIP!!!!!

JL: Gm, [C] What’s the gossip?


JL: How did you find this?


JL: She has great [REDACTED]. I hope it was profitable for her.

C: Yeah, but you can’t really have [REDACTED] who does [REDACTED].

JL: Then there is no hope for me. I did [REDACTED] a decade ago to escape [REDACTED]. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone could find that content one day. I don’t judge other women’s survival. Personally, I think it shouldn’t matter as long as D isn’t sharing the content publicly and the community bans anyone that does.


JL: Why can’t she have a job that requires a professional image? I write wholesome stories, and I’m a sexy freak. Haha. Women should be allowed to be Madonnas and Whores.


JL: Additionally, I was an excellent and professional teacher, but I write erotica. Should I be cancelled for this? Should I be prevented from teaching again? Why can’t we be both wholesome and sluty. Hole-some. Haha. I mean it, though, why do we judge sexy women differently? We are all just out here trying to make money off what the world and the internet deem valuable. For women, it’s often our attractiveness and sex appeal that holds the most monetary value.


JL: I don’t think she's fake. I think she was being professional. I wonder if [D] knows this is circulating as ‘gossip’. I hope she is okay.


I did not pass on any links associated with this ‘gossip’. Instead, I checked on 'D’.

JL: Hello, Lovely. I just wanted to come to you directly. Someone shared a link to [REDACTED] with me. I wanted to warn you it seems to be circulating as ‘Hot Gossip’. I think you look beautiful, and I’m here if you ever need to chat. The world is a harsh place sometimes for beauties.

D: Oh wow, Can I know who sent it?

JL: I do not wish to say, and she wouldn’t tell me who sent it to her.

D: Thanks JL, for the heads up.

JL: I’m considering publishing my conversation with [C] about your previous content. I think there is a really valuable feminist message in it, but I do not wish to cause you any stress. I would love to ask you some questions about it. I would keep you anon, and you would read and approve it before I publish it.

D: I’m confused as to why you would want to publish a conversation with a woman who was sharing [REDACTED] as hot gossip, trying to weaponize and shame my sex work.

JL: I would never link anything. And I think the conversation could be educational. I think you should feel no shame, and I don’t want your work weaponized. Sometimes I think the biggest hurdle women have is other women. With all the identities removed, I think it becomes a great example of how to handle this kind of behaviour when we experience it.

D: I don’t feel shame, and I don't think you are weaponizing it at all. But she clearly was, in an attempt to invalidate me.

JL: Yes, now let’s correct it.

D: I think what you said was 100% on point. The madonna-whore complex is still very real. One can't be wholesome, and the other can't be sexy. And we as women believe these lies and feel forced to be placed in one box or another, but we are human beings! Complex and three-dimensional, with many sides to us, that would be unfair to categorize all of us in either box 1 or box 2. Can’t lie that the idea of reading this conversation gives me anxiety.

JL: What about it makes you anxious?

D: I guess I’m just anxious because while this side job never stopped me from any other job I had, I know we, unfortunately, live in a society that will be happy for men to monetize women's sex work but isn't happy when a woman monetizes her own sex work or participates in that ecosystem.

JL: Can you give me an example of men who monetize women’s sex work? I mean one that the world seems happy with.

D: There are many men who are themselves, porn actors or porn producers. For example, Johnny Sins or Axel Braun, who produce porn, are seen as "living the dream". However, for the women in the industry, I often see comments that men never get, like "one day your children will see this" and "I’m sure her parents are proud", etc. Furthermore, when there have been men who found out I did adult content, I've often got the comment, "I wish I could live off doing adult content", and "If I could monetize my nudes and sell porn, I would." This is back to the idea that for men it's seen as cool, and "living the dream", but women are whores, seen as less, untalented, dumb and incapable of doing any other job.

JL: How did you get into making adult content?

D: First of all, let me say it was never intended as a career move. Neither I imagined it going that far. In my 20s, I was very much online, playing video games with friends on stream. Due to an ex-bf who got access to one of my accounts, a picture of me with [REDACTED] was posted. This brought a lot of harassment and nasty comments, body shaming me and calling me a slut. My body started developing earlier than any other girl in my school when I was probably younger than 12. The comments around that, by not only schoolmates but also adults, made me very shy and body conscious, so this brought back those feelings of insecurity. However, it also started a series of DMs and emails from men who had a lot of money and were ready to send it my way if I did content for them. For years, I declined. I was surprised some men even knew who I was. I never had a lot of followers/subscribers, and my content was never intended for "fame". It was just for me to chill and hang out with friends.

I eventually got into a serious relationship, and for the first years, I struggled a lot financially, as my partner at the time was unemployed and unable to find work. All financial responsibility was laid on me and my really low salary. I worked hard to try and get a paid raise, which I got a couple of times. However, whatever raise I got wasn't that significant. I had a good job, and I worked day and night trying to be the best I could, but I noticed no matter what I did, I was playing a game that wouldn't give me the salary I deserved. So, I decided to finally reply to one of these men who insisted on getting adult content. He was an executive at a TV channel in the US that does children's programming. To this day, I don't know how he found me. I have lost communication with him for some years now.

He was really nice, very polite, and very generous. The content started very mildly. It slowly became more explicit as the money became better. A lot of the content from me out there was first paid for by someone who commissioned it, and then I was able to monetize it on different platforms.


JL: Was it profitable?

D: Absolutely. Soon I found out my bank account wouldn't be in 0s the first week of the month. As soon as I got paid, I would immediately pay my bills. I had the money for medical bills/exams that were needed, and I was able to save up in case there was an emergency, heck... I had extra money to spend whenever we travelled and was able to buy other house things we needed. Because of this, I was able to start renting somewhere, and it allowed me enough flexibility to work my "9-5 still" and continue building my CV and my career to what I wanted.

Through the years, I got more offers from adult magazines, production companies, etc., for me to join and make content for them... but since this was not the career I wanted long-term, and I was earning enough through producing and monetizing my OWN content without another person involved, I never entertained those offers.

At the end of the day, I did all of this because I felt a huge sense of responsibility and love for my partner at the time, who was having a rough time. I wanted to provide for them, and even though that relationship didn't last today for other reasons that don't involve my adult work (they were very supportive of it), I think the fact that I went and did it speaks for one of my very core values: I will do anything and everything for the people I love, and I have no shame and no regret for providing for them whichever way I can.

JL: Thank you so much for sharing. It is a loving story. I am glad you were able to find a comfortable life. Are you still comfortable?

D: Yes. I stopped doing adult content once I jumped into web3 because here, the salary was fair, and therefore I didn't have the need to continue doing content. Understandably, it made some people upset that I quit. As I said, it was never meant as a career move, and I know if I wanted to, I could have that as my full-time. I'm happy to post a sexy pic every now and then on my socials cuz I do consider myself a very flirty person and a tease, and I’m happy to reclaim my sexuality for me, but I don't think I would do as explicit as I used to on my spicy accounts that are now abandoned.

JL: Do you still have income from your content?

D: Yes. I still receive income as my content was all monetized. It isn't as good as when I was active, obviously, as it is now old content. But I leave it up cuz either I monetize it or someone else will reupload it and monetize it themselves.

JL: Would you recommend sex work as a profession?

D: I wouldn't say I would recommend it. There are a lot of layers to this, but obviously, as we know: people will devalue you, your work, your intelligence and your talent when you do. However, we have to acknowledge that the idea of "you could get income from other means that isn't sex work" is a privileged view. I did many side hustles before entering adult content. I started my own business baking. I did creative work, etc. Unfortunately, none of these helped, and many times they were draining more resources than adding.

If you find yourself in the need to do sex work, or even if you want to do it because you're curious/think would be fun, consider that:

  1. The content you publish online, even through a paywall, can be reuploaded to other sites. Educate yourself about the DMCA systems to protect your content.

  2. Be prepared for people in your real life to find your content. You can find many ways to protect your identity, but the possibility of people finding out your content and knowing it's you is still there, and you should be mentally prepared for that.

  3. Set boundaries. Know exactly what you're comfortable doing and how. There will be clients who want to push and see how far you will go or will try to persuade you into doing more than what you're comfortable with. You rather lose a client that is unable to accept a "no" than have someone constantly making you do content you're not comfortable with.

  4. Be aware that this can be part of your digital footprint. Just like it happened to me, people can find your content and try and weaponize that to put in jeopardy your job/career/credibility. I'm happy that I am working with people who are very sex-positive. However, not many companies are like this. Always have a plan if someone wants to use this against you, and know blackmailing is illegal.

  5. Do your research before collaborating with someone, joining a production house, etc. Make sure you will be safe, and all terms are things that you're comfortable with. Also, research websites/apps you join to ensure you understand fees, terms, what is and isn't allowed, and ownership of your content.

  6. You won't get viewers/subscribers magically. Some idea of social media marketing is needed if you really want to succeed and expand your audience/customers.

JL: What was your main work before web3?

D: I grew brands’ presence online by creating content strategies and connecting audiences of influencers and brands, as well as influencer marketing. My favorite part was seeing the results and people forming communities with their audience through their content.

JL: Since you have been in web3, would you say things are getting better, worse or stayed the same for women?

D: I think they have stayed the same in that regard. Someone really great in the space once told me, "We are not looking anymore to sit at their table, we are looking to create our own", and that has changed my mindset, as I believe some of these people have enough power to protect each other even if exposed. I will do what can actually bring change and be productive: help build safe places for everyone so they don't face the discrimination and abuse I, and many others, had to.

JL: I think the #metoo movement was great but exhausted everyone. Being a victim is no longer en vogue, and we aren’t fighting for awareness anymore. It’s something else now. I think web3 getting better for women. I see kind, empathetic people every day. I see women transitioning to web3 from other industries, but it just still feels scary to be in spaces that are mostly men. I am always nervous about that imbalance. It makes me feel vulnerable, and I think I always will be, but it’s getting better. There are many allies. Everyday heroes.

D: I think we're past "awareness" for sure. People know, but now it’s about knowing who is a true ally who is helping build safe spaces and who isn't. There are obviously very good people out there, but I also find that some "good people" aren't so good behind the scenes, yet they will publicly have a very different persona. It's also very telling that there are still women who are not comfortable sharing their gender even if they remain anonymous, a case I have rarely ever seen men struggle with. My experiences and what I've seen might have made me pessimistic, but regardless I do believe the best approach is for us to continue building for the space to actually get better, as it won't happen without us taking action.

JL: Who are some people you admire?

D: In general or web3 related?

JL: Yes. Open question.

D: This is going to be a dead giveaway of who I am, but whatever, I think people already know.

I admire Yalitza Aparicio, because of how gracefully she dealt with racism and colourism when she became famous.

Olimpia Coral Melo, who dealt with online sexual violence by having a video published without her consent, fought for justice. Thanks to her, we now have a law that would punish anyone who publishes someone's sexual content without consent. The mothers of the women whose lives were taken in gruesome ways, who still get out there and fight for feminist reforms in hopes victims of these crimes get justice.

Every time someone shares intimate content of a person who did not allow it is like a rape- Olimpia Coral Melo

JL: I’ll redact their name and just leave your definitions. Those are some truly admirable women.

D: No, I think people should know their names and their stories.

JL: I agree. I think about all the things happening now around the world, and I fear deeply for women. Denied education and reproductive freedoms and beaten to death over a head scarf. I know it’s getting better in some places, but sometimes it just seems hopeless.

D: Yeah, this why we need to be supportive of each other and create our spaces but also make more space for others like us. If we don't support and protect each other, no one else will. This is also why I appreciated you coming to me about this, as I would have done the same for you or anyone else.

I appreciate you for allowing me to speak my side of the story on your platform. I hope this helps people understand that you could be a very professional, hard worker and still have to resort to doing sex work on the side to survive. And that this "side hustle" doesn't and shouldn't devalue your work and professionalism or even devalue you as a human being. Furthermore, it shouldn’t dictate what jobs someone can do in the future. I was once a baker, but that doesn’t mean that all I should be able to do is make cookies. I've known doctors, lawyers, and teachers, who have used sex work as a way to pay student loans or debt, which allowed them to continue building their careers, and they are all amazing professionals today.

JL: I agree. I think it’s a story that is common but not always commonly told. Too much bullshit to get through. I’m over bullshit. You have an ally in me. I really appreciate your time and your passion for progressing women in web3. I am not surprised you found work in this industry. It sounds like you have been able to transfer many of your web2 skills into this new career.


*All the NFTs shared in this article are from JL’s collection. They were created by female artists and are for illustrative purposes only.

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